


Moving Past the Memories

by Redamber79



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Discussion of Abortion, Dubious Consent, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Smut, Stealthing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 17:00:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18473239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redamber79/pseuds/Redamber79
Summary: SPN A.B.O. Bingo - square filled is: mowed grass, gunpowder, motor oil.Dean has fallen in love with his neighbour Cas, but there are a few things he needs to tell his Alpha about his past before they can move on.





	Moving Past the Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to CR-Noble for betaing for me yet again! love ya!

The late sun was pouring in through the window, bathing the bedroom in golden light, highlighting the two men twined together. Dean melted under Cas’s touch, his body loosening and yet filled with a tense anticipation. He went slick with desire, and felt more than heard the low growl Cas let out even as his nostrils flared. Cas kissed him then, long and slow, his tongue plundering Dean's mouth and flicking over the tips of his canines delicately. There was a sudden pressure against one sharp canine, and then a warm, coppery taste nearly overwhelmed his senses, along with the scent of fresh cut grass and rain that always followed Cas around. He thought back to how they met.

 

***

 

Flashback

 

Dean had always been sensitive to fresh cut grass and hated spring thanks to allergies. One mid-fall day he scented mowed grass though there was a frost covering the ground that morning, and he turned, startled. There he bumped into his new neighbour at the mailboxes, a gorgeous, blue-eyed Alpha who smelt of fresh cut grass and summer rain, and Dean nearly swooned into his arms. Instead he bolted for his house, only realizing afterwards how dangerous that could have been, an Omega running from an Alpha. A knock arrived at his door a moment later. A gentle, polite knock. 

 

“You dropped your mail. I'll just leave it here on the step,” came an unfamiliar, beautifully deep voice, and the sound of footsteps retreating. Dean waited for nearly half an hour before opening the door, because he was so thrown by his own reaction. He was not a meek and mild Omega, so what was it about this Alpha that sent a panic through him. It  _ was  _ panic, certainly. Why else would he have been prompted to run like that? His heart pounded, his breathing unsteady. 

 

That he was also wet was something he chose to ignore. He was close to his next heat, that was all.

 

***

 

He loved him, Dean realized with a start. He was well and truly in love with the Alpha who was slowly peeling away his clothes, who kissed and worshipped every inch of skin as it was revealed, and sent tongues of fire scorching along Dean's senses. A slow curl of arousal was spreading in Dean's gut, and he thought back, unwillingly, to the first time he had had an Alpha over him.

 

***

 

Flashback: 

 

Gadreel's voice was low and coaxing. “Come on, Dean, you know I love you. Don't you love me?”

 

Dean thought he did. No, he did, of course he did. Gadreel was sweet and supportive, not like the other Alphas at school. 

 

When Dean, charming, popular jock Dean had presented as an Omega, his life had nearly collapsed. His father hadn't know how to deal with his heat, and had locked him in his room, shoving water bottles and snacks in periodically, but otherwise ignoring his cries. Afterward Dean had recovered and returned to school, he suddenly found himself ostracized. A male Omega? Unheardof. He'd gotten into several fights, been beaten a few times, and won several more. He developed a radar for bullies, and a reputation as a troublemaker among the teachers, who only saw a bright young student failing and fighting, one who was bitter about his lot. 

 

And then he met Gadreel. Gadreel, who defended him against bullies, who helped him with assignments and studying after his heats made him miss a week of school at a time, who made Dean laugh again.

 

“Alright, yes. I… I want this too,” Dean told him, a little hesitant, but he had to admit to a certain curiosity. And who was he kidding, his fake knot was a lot of fun, but he wanted, like  _ really _ wanted to know what a real one would feel like. 

 

Gad bent and kissed him clumsily, his hands busy at his own belt and stripping his clothes. Dean saw he was already hard, and  _ woah _ , the base of his cock was already swelling a little, he was so turned on. Dean started undoing his pants, and Gad kissed him sloppily, pawing at his groin and stroking him half-hard. His fingers pressed at Dean, and he winced, barely wet enough for their entrance. 

 

“Wait, slow down, Gad. Gimme a minute to catch up here.” Dean smiled teasingly, and slid his hand down Gad's chest to grasp him loosely, teasing him slowly while he stroked himself with his other, hoping to get himself turned on enough to be ready. 

 

Gad pulled away and hauled off Dean's pants, and his eyes darkened as he scented Dean's slick. “You going to present for me, my little Omega?” Gad asked, his voice lower and rough, and Dean felt a curious mix of arousal and shame as he slowly turned onto all fours. 

 

“I… I dunno about this, Gad, I wanna see you, kiss you,” Dean argued, his legs locked together as he looked over his shoulder at his boyfriend.

 

“Dean, it's okay, I'm just thinking of you. It's supposed to hurt less the first time this way.” Gad gave him a smile, and Dean relaxed a little, smiling back tremulously. Of course Gad was looking out for him, he always was.

 

“What about a condom? I'm on the pill, but still, to be safe…” Dean sank against the pillow.

 

“Sure, baby, of course!” Gad pulled a condom from his jeans pocket and rolled it on expertly, and Dean's breath caught. They were really doing this. Gad stroked a hand up his back and gripped the base of his neck, and pushed in. Dean winced at the stretch, but soon it started to feel alright, his body loosening and accommodating around the Alpha.  It didn't feel  _ amazing _ , but it was their first time, he supposed it wasn't really expected to. 

 

Gad was breathing heavily behind him, and suddenly there was a painful stretch that made Dean cry out as Gad locked into him. “That's it, my little Omega. Told you I'd make you feel good,” he huffed, collapsing over him.

 

Dean frowned a little, not that Gad could see it, and resigned himself to wait til Gad's knot had gone down to go to the bathroom and take care of himself. He didn't want Gad to feel bad after all, and he was sure that they'd get better at it with time and practice.

 

***

 

Cas did something to Dean's cock with his tongue that made Dean buck off the bed, and Cas let out a low, appreciative chuckle.  He drew back, licking his lips in satisfaction, and his gaze raked over Dean hungrily. 

 

“Dean, you are beautiful, and you taste--” He shivered, his eyes dark as he smiled, flashing fang. “You are exquisite. May I taste you, please?” His thumb rubbed gently at Dean's inner thigh, nudging behind his balls, leaving no question in Dean's mind what he meant.

 

Dean nodded, his breath catching in his throat as Cas bent to his self-appointed exploration of Dean's body. No one had ever done this for him, and  _ oh GOD! _ It felt amazing, the swirling heat in his gut building with every pass of Cas's tongue.

 

“Oh, Cas, that feels so good,” he breathed, and Cas gave a low him of approval that sent sparks flying through him. He cried out, and Cas pulled back slightly, meeting his eyes with concern. 

 

“Are you alright, Dean?” he asked softly, his hand stroking over Dean's hip. 

 

“Oh, please don't stop, Cas, please!” he begged, and Cas gave that smile again, the one Dean had only ever seen directed at him. That smile made him feel special, warm inside, like Cas was holding him close, even when they were across a crowded room from each other.

 

Cas lowered himself to Dean's body again and deliberately swirled his tongue over his entrance, and Dean gave a shout.

 

“Oh, yes, please, Alpha, Alpha, baby,  _ please!” _ he panted, his hands fisted in Cas's hair suddenly, his body shaking as he climbed closer and closer to the edge simply on the skill of Cas's tongue and lips. 

 

Cas hummed against him again, and Dean shattered, slick rushing from him to Cas's waiting lips, who redoubled his efforts and moaned in appreciation.

 

Cas lapped over him slower and slower, teasing him through the shivers that ran through him until he lay still, his body languid and loose.

 

Cas crept up to pull him into his arms, keeping a careful distance between their hips, and peppered Dean's jaw and throat with kisses. 

 

“Like I said, exquisite.” He held Dean until he stirred in his arms, and Dean turned to snuggle against him. 

 

“Cas, what about you? Don't you want…” he trailed off, embarrassed.

 

“Shhh… This was all about you, sweetheart. Trust me, I'm in no rush. When we're ready, we'll be ready. Until then, I'm more than happy with this.”

 

***

 

Flashback:

 

“Come on, Dean, suck it for me, won't you?” Gad complained, taking Dean's hand and rubbing it over his crotch. “It's so hard it hurts, and if you don't wanna have sex tonight, can't you at least help me out? You're the one who got me all horny anyway.”

 

Dean frowned at that, pulling away. All he'd done was ask for study help and given his boyfriend a quick peck in greeting.

 

“Look Gad, I really need to study. If that's all you came here for, you'll have to wait. “ Dean scooped down at his books, trying to focus.

 

“C'mon baby, I'll make you feel good too. You go down on me, get me off, and I'll do the same for you.”

 

Dean froze. They'd been having sex for a month but Gad had never gone down on him. 

 

“Alright,” he replied, and set his books aside. He knelt in front of Gad and undid his jeans. He didn't really enjoy blowing his boyfriend who tended to pull his hair too hard and shove on his head, making him choke. But if he'd finally return the favour…

 

A few minutes later, Dean was spitting into a napkin, while Gad lay back flushed and happy on his bed. Dean undid his own pants and slid them off, then stepped out of his underwear, feeling a little self-conscious, but eager as well.

 

He laid down next to Gad, who kissed him on the cheek, as usual. He’d never kiss Dean after he blew him, saying he didn’t like the taste. After a minute, Gad wrapped his hand around Dean and started stroking him.  It felt good, but as Dean got closer to the edge and Gad showed no sign of moving, he started to wonder.

 

“Gad, wait, I’m getting close… You said you’d go down on me…” Dean panted, getting closer and closer to spilling over the edge.

 

“Nah, I said I’d get you off, baby, you know I don’t like the taste…” Gad told him, twisting his wrist and grinning as Dean’s hips bucked. “Besides, you like this, you know it.”

 

“You said if I went down on you, you’d do the same!” Dean groaned, pulling Gad’s hand away, feeling angry and deceived.

 

“Don’t be like that, baby, you know you want this…” Gad wheedled, stroking him again as Dean squirmed, giving him an angry look.

 

“No, what I wanted was help study-- _ oh fuck!” _ he swore as he tumbled over the edge, soaking the front of his shirt, his thighs damp with slick. He stood, embarrassed and angry, and grabbed his underwear and a new tshirt. He pulled the briefs on and ran across the hall to the bathroom, locking the door.

 

He cleaned himself up, refusing to meet his own angry eyes in the mirror, his cheeks burning in humiliation. He stripped his tee and wiped himself down with it, tossing it into the hamper.  He pulled the new shirt over his head, a too-large Metallica shirt that he wore during his heats, at least until he was forced to strip completely. He stiffened his spine and headed back to his room, ready to tell Gad to leave for now.

 

Only, Gad was already gone.

 

***

 

Dean shook his head, focusing on Cas, and meeting his eyes. “I don’t want to do the same for you because I feel like I have to, but because I really want to, Cas.” His gaze slid down Cas’s muscular, tanned torso, his eyes drawn down to the bulge in Cas’s jeans. He looked back up to Cas’s blue eyes, and smirked.  “Trust me, I really,  _ really  _ want to.”

 

He slid slowly down Cas’s chest, laying gentle kisses here and there, pausing to tease at his nipples before sliding lower. He popped the button on Cas’s jeans and slowly lowered the zipper, glancing up at Cas through his lashes. Cas groaned softly as he was released from the tight confines of the denim, and he watched Dean with a quiet hunger that had Dean purring softly as he nuzzled at his length through the cotton of his briefs.

 

“Dean,” Cas murmured, his voice husky and raw with affection. “You told me you didn't enjoy this, don't force yoursel-- _ oh fuck!”  _ His voice cracked as Dean mouthed and sucked on the head of his cock through the cotton, and Dean suddenly couldn't  _ wait _ to get his mouth and hands on him.

 

“Help me out here, Alpha,” he teased, tugging on his jeans, and Cas wriggled loose immediately, his jeans sliding down his thick thighs to be kicked to the floor. Dean tugged his briefs down and tossed them aside, and stopped for a moment, staring in awe at the perfect cock before him. He bent and gave a tentative lick along his length, and Cas's cock jumped and twitched under his tongue.

 

“Dean, oh Dean,” Cas moaned softly, and Dean smiled softly up at the Alpha. He explored slowly, gently, until Cas was writhing underneath him. He wrapped one hand firmly around the base, and his lips around the head, twirling his tongue lazily. He glanced up at Cas through his lashes, and found him staring down wild-eyed and desperate, his blue eyes tinged with red around the rim. Normally the thought of an Alpha slipping loose would have terrified Dean, but now he simply felt smug, and he hummed in satisfaction. 

 

Cas threw his head back with a groan, and Dean stroked his hand up and down his shaft as he circled the head with his tongue. The friction was dry and Dean smirked, then reached back with his other hand and slid his  fingers into his still dripping hole. Cas watched, his breath quickening, as Dean smeared his slick down his cock, and Cas moaned at the hot slide of his hand. 

 

“Dean, Omega, I'm not going to last if you keep doing that!” he warned, and Dean popped off with an obscene noise. 

 

“Did you want me to stop, Alpha?” He nuzzled at the soft skin of his balls and Cas whimpered. “Slow down? Torment you for an hour before letting you come?” Cas whined, and Dean felt a surge of affection flow through him. “No, I couldn't be so mean. Relax Alpha, I'll take care of you.”

 

Dean wrapped his lips around Cas's cock again, hoping to make up for his inexperience and rusty skills with enthusiasm. From the gasped breaths and soft moans of his name, he thought he was doing alright. He cupped Cas's balls lightly, toying with them gently and Cas whined and writhed under his touch. His knuckles grazed Cas’s taint and he cried out softly, “please!”

 

Dean stared up at Cas and met his desperate gaze. Without looking away he pressed against the soft skin again and Cas shuddered for him, his eyes rolling back. 

 

“Oh, fuck, Dean,  _ please!” _ Cas begged, and Dean redoubled his efforts, focusing on the head as he licked and twirled his tongue, bobbing over Cas’s cock. Each spurt of pre-come urged him onward, and soon he could feel Cas’s knot swelling under his hand. He slicked his palm again and with both hands circled and squeezed Cas’s knot, making a tight ring. Cas’s hips jumped a little and Dean drew back just enough to murmur to his lover.

 

“Fuck my mouth,” he ordered, and Cas cried out even as his hips bucked. Dean had drawn back just enough to keep even the thrusting from going too deep, but with his hands circling Cas’s rapidly swelling knot he knew it wouldn’t be long. Soon enough Cas’s hips were stuttering, and he was fisting his hands in the sheets at his sides to keep from clutching at Dean’s hair. Dean grabbed one hand and put it on his head, and was surprised to find the touch so gentle as Cas carded through his hair.  Dean melted under his touch, and he knew his eyes were full of emotion as he looked up at Cas.

 

“Dean,” he panted. “Are you okay?” He stilled his hips and sat up, a gentle hand caressing down his cheek. “We don’t have to do this… you’re crying, love.”

 

Dean was moving before he knew he meant to, flinging himself into his Alpha’s arms. Cas held him close and hushed him, stroking a gentle hand down his back, completely ignoring the press of their bodies. “You love me?” he asked softly, his breath catching on a quiet sob. 

 

Cas nudged him back gently, cupping his jaw and stroking his thumb along his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. “More than anything, my Omega.” Dean groaned softly and found Cas’s lips with his own, bearing him down onto the bed, the pillows scattered around them. He felt Cas’s thick length against his stomach and moaned, fighting the sudden biological urge to present. He’d never presented since his first time with Gad, and had never felt the  _ need _ to until now. But he didn’t know if he could trust this feeling…

 

“Cas, wait…” He crawled backwards until he was straddling Cas’s lower thighs, and Cas followed him, sitting up to face him and showing nothing but gentle concern.

 

“Dean, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Cas told him again, and Dean smiled softly, but he knew it looked forced.

 

“I want to. I want  _ you. _ But I… I need to tell you something. And I’ll understand if it changes how you feel about me.”  Cas took his hand gently, stroking his callused thumb over his knuckles, and Dean relaxed slightly at his touch. 

 

“You can tell me anything, Dean. Barring voting Republican, I don’t think my heart could take it,” he teased with a grin, and Dean smiled in return for a moment.

 

“Fuck off,” Dean retorted with a choked laugh, then slid to one side, sitting cross-legged beside Cas, and taking one hand to play with his fingers. He kept his gaze down, and traced over Cas’s knuckles lightly.

 

“I was mated when I was seventeen. I was young and stupid, and I believed him when he told me he loved me. I don’t know if I missed a pill, or if it was just bad luck, but I ended up pregnant.” He flicked a glance up at Cas’s face, seeing nothing but gentle sympathy in his eyes. He took a deep breath and continued. “Gad was upset, but supportive. We decided together that I should have an abortion. We were both so young, and giving up the pup for adoption still wouldn’t change what I would go through as an unwed male Omega. My hometown was very conservative, even by red state standards. I had to travel to visit my uncle to find a clinic.”

 

He shuddered, remembering the hateful crowd surrounding the centre, the way a young Alpha inside wept as she waited for her first Pap smear, she was so distraught by the signs and screamed accusations of the protesters. Cas called his name, pulling him back from the memory, and Dean met his eyes sadly.

 

“The day after I got back, I discovered Gad had told everyone in school that I’d seduced him, that I’d lied about being on the pill, that I’d convinced him to not use a condom. He… He’d pulled it off. I  _ never _ let him near me without a condom, then one time it felt different, and when I looked around I saw the condom on the floor.” He heard a sharp intake of breath from Cas and glance up. Cas’s eyes were rimmed red with anger, and Dean looked down quickly, everything in his life telling him an angry Alpha was dangerous.

 

Cas tilted his chin up gently, compassion written across his features. “He stealthed you, Dean. It’s a kind of rape, because you didn’t agree to have sex in that way.”

 

“I think I knew that… He wouldn’t stop, said it felt better.” Dean looked down, unable to bear the sadness in Cas’s eyes. “My locker was vandalized, labelling me a pup-killer. I was cornered constantly, either by Alphas wanting to beat me or fuck me, luckily even then I was big for an Omega and could fight them off. My dad said I was just acting out, and it was all I deserved for being a slut, that if I’d just kept my legs together…”

 

“Oh Dean, shhh…” Cas pulled Dean into his arms, and Dean wept, letting out a decade of grief and fear as his Alpha held him, brushing his fingers through his hair tenderly.

 

After what felt like an eternity, Dean lifted his head from Cas’s chest, meeting his eyes tentatively. He was afraid of what he’d see there.

 

“Dean, love, you didn’t deserve any of that.” Cas’s blue eyes were luminous, sad but full of love as he stared at Dean. “It wasn’t your fault, and you made the best decision for you. For the record, here and now, your body is yours, and if you and I make a pup some day and you’re not ready, I’ll understand and support you. It’s your body, I cannot stress this enough.”

 

“You… you don’t think I’m a pup-killer? That I hate pups? That was the other thing he told everyone, and I was kicked out of my home ec class because I’d ‘try to corrupt’ the girls, make them think that they could be something other than mothers. Worst thing is I love pups, and want them one day. With… With the right Alpha.”

 

“How… how did you get through it, Dean?” Cas asked softly, holding him close, a worried frown creasing his brow.

 

Dean looked away, glancing out the window. There was a beautiful sunset, he noticed absently. It didn’t feel like it should be sunny right now. “I didn’t. I OD’d on sleeping pills and painkillers. Sammy found me, and called an ambulance. There was a doctor there, Dr. Row, she wouldn’t take shit from anyone. She heard my dad yelling at me for being an attention-seeking little slut and banned him from the hospital. I turned eighteen while I was recovering, and I left. Went to live with my uncle Bobby.” Dean frowned at the memory of Sam in tears as Dean packed, but he’d presented as an Alpha on his birthday, and Dean had known he’d be fine. And he was right. “Sammy left home for college as soon as he could, and we still talk all the time. He’s engaged to a great Beta, Eileen; she keeps him on his toes.”

 

Dean yawned, drained by the emotional turmoil, and Cas pressed a kiss to his forehead. “C’mon, Dean. Let me take care of you. You need to sleep.”

 

“But what about--” Dean clapped his lips shut, of course he’d killed the mood with his drama, just another way he screwed things up.

 

“Dean, whatever you’re thinking, I can smell the guilt and self-loathing. Please believe me when I tell you nothing would make me happier than if you would let me hold you for a while, and then I can go so you can sleep.”

 

“Stay?” The word escaped Dean before he’d known he meant to speak, but he didn’t take it back. “Please, Cas, stay. I want my Alpha’s arms around me tonight.” He spoke hesitantly, but the surprised joy on Cas’s face told him he’d finally said the right thing.

 

“Your Alpha, huh? Does that mean you're claiming  _ me _ , my Omega?” Cas asked softly, and Dean blushed furiously as an unconscious purr rumbled up from his chest. He had never purred in his adult life, and yet here he was, staring at Cas in shock as the vibrations echoing up from his chest trembled through them both. “Dean…” Cas breathed, his blue eyes wide, luminous, and full of happiness.

 

“Cas, I…” Dean froze as an answering rumble emerged from the Alpha,  _ his _ Alpha, and he fell into his arms again, kissing him desperately, laughing against Cas’s lips in sheer joy. Cas pulled him down onto the bed, and they nuzzled and kissed along each other’s throats, teasing over the mating glands. As they slowly explored each other, their scents melded, Dean’s motor oil and gunpowder blending with Cas’s grass and rain, and Dean felt his heartbeat increase as he bared his throat for his lover. “Cas, my Alpha, I want you.”

 

Cas nuzzled over his throat again, his purr nearly a growl it was so deep. “Are you certain, my Omega? We don’t have to do this tonight, we can wait til morning.”

 

Dean made to answer but was interrupted by a yawn, and he chuckled softly. “As long as you stay.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere, Omega-mine.”

 

***

 

The following morning Dean woke with his Alpha’s arms tight around him, and again his purr took over, soothing his lover awake. Cas woke adorably rumpled, but he smiled softly for Dean as he opened his eyes. Again that deliciously deep purr emanated from within the Alpha, and Dean pressed close, gasping softly at the delicious slide of their bodies together.  Cas groaned softly and cupped his cheek to kiss him sweetly, then pulled back slightly, just enough to let them speak and think without the delicious distraction of morning wood. Cas’s pupils nearly swallowed the blue of his eyes as he scented softly, but still he didn’t move closer.

 

“Dean, is this what you want?” he asked quietly, and Dean nodded, meeting his eyes fearlessly. Even so, Cas pressed for an answer. “Yes?”

 

“Yes, my Alpha. I want you--” and Dean leaned in for a quick kiss “--to make love to me--”  _ kiss  _ “--to knot me--”  _ kiss _ “--claim me--”  _ kiss _ “--and fill me with your pups.”

 

And Cas did.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on tumblr, Imbiowaresbitch


End file.
